Last Extra Credit

Once the home of a delicious meal, a lonely pizza box lies deserted on the bottom of my trashcan. After serving its sole purpose here, in this life, its final destination was reached when its contents were devoured.  The life of this box started long before as a juvenile sapling; its young roots exploring the nutritious soil beneath its early existence.  This very sapling expanded and grew into a mature tree, satisfying its role in the lush forest canopy. Years passed and its participation in the environment ended. The tree was harvested and sent to a nearby paper factory where a complex metamorphosis was initiated. The transformation from forest to cardboard ended this life, for the convenience of man.

Once it made its journey to the paper factory, it was cut, shaved, pounded into a rough cardboard.  Just when it thought the metamorphosis was complete, it once again entered the factory line and was hacked and stamped with red and black markings.  The creases were deep and easy to see so a human could easily fold and maneuver it into a desired shape.  As the freshly created box made its way to the loading dock and was packed into a cramped, dark truck, it made its way to the Domino’s located on Atherton Street in State College, PA. 

            All of a sudden the box was quickly grabbed and an oven hot slab was dropped harshly plopped down into it.  The toasty brown crust with red pepper flakes and other spices rubbed against the inside edges.  The grease slowly seeped out of the golden cheese and dripped slowly onto the box.  As the box turned a deep grey from the mix of liquids, it was packaged into a warmer and brought to a delivery car where it made its way down the winding streets of Penn State.  Up Atherton, Right on Curtin, past the Lion Shrine, there goes the Library, Forum zips by on the left, next up is the Berkey Creamery, and finally it turns left into Pennypacker Hall’s parking lot. 

            As I picked up my vibrating shiny royal blue cell phone, I jumped up from my bed in happiness as my dinner had finally arrived.  I ran to the elevator and after paying the correct amount of money, I devoured my pizza in my room.  The box was the least of my concern as I couldn’t eat the box and once all of the edible deliciousness had entered my stomach, I carelessly tossed the box to the wayside in the garbage can where it now laid all by its lonesome.  

Journal 13

Bad Paragraph:
The Villa Rotonda and many other works of Andrea Palladio had a look that was copied by architects after his time. Palladio was known as one of the originals of architecture. The Renaissance style of Villa Rotunda will be critiqued by another great architect: Francesco Borromini. Borromini was an innovatory of his time and brought new looks to the world of architecture. Will Borromini approve of the design of the Villa Rotonda?


Good Paragraph:
The Villa Rotunda and many other works of Andrea Palladio were some the most influential structures in the history of architecture. Palladio was known as one of the originals of architecture. Palladio published a book titled Quattro Libri Dell’ Architettura in 1570. Palladio shaped the architecture in the Renaissance with this book and his building designs. Less then a century later Francesco Borromini made a historical movement in architecture. Borromini created a new style of architect called baroque.  Baroque was an innovative new look at architecture. Borromini’s baroque broken and bent some of the traditional rules of architecture and took a more outgoing style. Will Borromini approve of the design of the Villa Rotonda?


Old thesis statement: 
on last post
New thesis statement:
The Villa Rotunda was one of the most copied buildings in history, but Borromini would have not approve of the design overall. Borromini probably took ideas from Palladio’s design, but Francesco was all about using classical design and improving it with new creative style.

Journal 12

Thesis Statement:
Borromini approves of how strong the structure looks, but would be bored with the Early Renaissance style.

Journal 11

Bad version  

The budget cuts will lead to a increase in tuition price. This raise will decrease the number of students going to Pennsylvania intuitions. Many families and students will need to rethink how they are going to pay for the new and higher tuition. Another problem is that Penn State will have to cut some programs, which will affect the Penn State community as a whole. Budget cuts will also lead to a possible closer of branch campuses. This will put Penn State in number of problems. Penn State will have to move students other campuses and this will make a housing problem. Also, the number of students that Penn State can accept will decrease. Loss of branches and cut of employees in every campus will make many people loose there jobs.

Good version

These budget cuts would lead to an increase in tuition price, which would decrease the number of students going to Pennsylvania state intuitions. This would leave many families and students reconsidering how they are going to pay for the new, higher tuition. Another problem is that Penn State would have to cut some programs, which would affect the Penn State community as a whole. Some of the many Penn State branch campuses could possibly close due to the cuts. This deficit alone would pose several problems for Penn State. The university would have to move students to other campuses, causing major housing problems. Naturally, this would decrease the number of new students that Penn State could accept. The loss of branch campuses would also cause many dedicated Penn State employees to lose their jobs.